Responsible Father

30 True Statements About The Jamison Family

1. When we bike, I have Erik in the chaser behind my bike which is pulling the bike trailer with Foster in it. So it is a three part train.

2. We went on 28 Picnics in 2001 and have increased every year since.

3.  In 2008 we went on 81 picnics.

4. We’ve picnicked on 23 places of the Mississippi River and 23 places on Lake Superior.

5. We have read out loud to our kids all of the Narnia Books twice and we just started Lord of the Rings. It may take awhile.

6. Debbie and I honeymooned in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan

7. Our Family stays at Lake Superior every summer.

8. We recommend Cascade Lodge

9. Our next favorite place to vacation is the Black Hills of South Dakota

10. We’ve adopted two kids – one from Russia, the other from Robbinsdale (MN)

11.  If we are home, we generally have a late pancake breakfast every Saturday.

12. We have two cats – Kiska (Russian for ‘Kitty’) and Flicka (Swedish for ‘Girl’)

13. I work late on Mondays, Debbie feeds the kids and after we put them to bed we make Hashbrowns, Eggs and Bacon. A little mini-date every Monday.

14. We are doing well if we go through less than a roll of toilet paper a day.

15. We have not converted our TV over, so all we watch is DVDs and videos.

16. Ages of our kids (as of today) 11,10,8,7,7,6 years old and 9 months old.

17. On November 17^th, the ages will line up – for one month only. We will have kids aged 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 (years old) and 12 (months old).

18. We have two girls and 5 boys. In Order By Age: B, B, B, G, G, B, B.

19. After our first two kids, we decided to go with a naming pattern, sticking with the beginning of the alphabet. We have A, A, B, C, D, E and F.

20. The girls are the A’s. Ladies first.

21. Debbie and I were married Sept 10, 1994.

22. When I jog, I often have up to five of my kids rollerblading or biking with me.

23. We always have a state park sticker, and we go to many (12 last year) but we rarely camp.

24. We want to camp more. We have a pop-up camper!

25. We’ve lived in our current home for 3+ years. We moved because we decided that a family of 8 needed more than one bathroom.

26. Okay, there were other reasons.

27. Our microwave oven broke after about a month of living here and we have not replaced it.

28. Five of our kids can bike. We’re working on Erik. He’s having fun learning.

29. We go through about a dozen eggs a day. And 1 ½ gallons of real maple syrup a month.

30. We pray daily that our family will be used to glorify God.

In last week’s post about getting your child to understanding sin, I casually remarked that you should apologize if you have sinned in the situation that you are about to discipline your child for. I said this like it’s no big deal to apologize to your child.

But, especially the first few times, this was quite difficult for me and didn’t feel right.

Most of us don’t like to admit wrong. Admitting wrong to a child is another dimension more difficult. And there can be thoughts in your held telling you (for seemingly solid but ultimately non-valid reasons) that it wouldn’t be wise to express regret to your child for something you’ve said to them.

Here are some of them:

Nine Bad Reasons To Not Apologize To Your Son Or Daughter When You’ve Done Wrong To Them:

– He might think that treating him like that is not sinful for me (or for his Mom) and I don’t want to disabuse them of that thinking.

– It will make me appear weak. The leader of the family shouldn’t show weakness.

– It might make them feel like they were justified in the sinful way that they responded to me.

– I just apologized last week. I don’t want to set a precedence*.

– It will take longer for my kids to forget what I did if I make a big deal about it.

– As a parent, I’m supposed to be like God, and this will show that I’m not.

– It might get out that I apologized for this.

– I’m supposed to be perfect. I don’t want to let them think otherwise.

– What if he/she isn’t willing to forgive me?

Am I missing any?

==

* Of course, just like any other relationship, if you find yourself asking for forgiveness from your child too often, then perhaps significant change might be in order. Pray. Ask for Grace. Repent.

We don’t really do baby books. But we do something different.

Ever since day one for our first child we have kept a journal for each child. This is largely a set of short paragraphs describing something the child has learned, a funny thing the child said, or something important they have done. Each story has a date.

So we have seven sets of stories – seven journals. I’m mentioning it now because just last week the document that includes this reached its 300^th page.

Some tips:

– It doesn’t take long. Twice a week (Monday and Friday) I open the file and try to think of something to put in there. Sometimes I call Debbie and ask “Anything journal-worthy?”. It takes less than five minutes.

– I recommend putting only positive things about your child. There is a place (especially for kids with emotional problems) to write down difficulties you’re experiencing with the child, but this isn’t it.

– Just a Word document is all it takes.

– This is a good place to put the birth story. In as much detail as you can. We also put in anything significant about the child before the birth.

– I know what you’re thinking – Oh, I’ll remember all the stories. Nope. I go back and look at things I’ve written six months ago and I don’t remember them at all.

Some sample journal entries:

(Apr 22) All the kids, led by Barrett, made a house out of poster boards around the couch and Barrett said that Debbie had to take a nap. After she had gotten in, Barrett put up the last poster board and said “Goodnight!” Then they tried to be quiet. She slept.

(Apr 30) Debbie was giving me a hug before I left for work this week and Erik walked up and gave us a big embrace, saying “Hug Group!”

(June 5) Today Daniel made a rolling, cardboard, toy-cleaner-upper. It works.

(June 8th) Today Adelyn walked up to Debbie with her arms up and said “Hug!” After Debbie hugged her she said, “I just wanted to give you a hug because I haven’t hugged you in awhile.”

(July 4) For free-time reading at the cabin, Carl brought his Algebra book.

(July 28) Anna continues to be our best geocache finder. Today she found one before 8 other kids and 2 adults.

(Aug 1) While they were waiting for the prescription to be filled, Barrett sat on a chair while Debbie went to get a couple things. Barrett asked – “Will you be within eyeshot?

(Aug 12) This morning Foster was coughing in his crib and I went in to see how he was doing. He was sleeping, but suddenly sat up and was staring right at my waist. He stared for a couple seconds and then smiled and looked up at my face. He was happy to see me.  (This is the entry that put me on the three hundreth page.)

See? You could do this, couldn’t you? Never too late to start, nor too early.

An example/illustration for my overly vague and not so helpful stand alone statement:

Dad’s: Let’s say the teen boy has approached you, asking if he can date/court/spend-significant-time-with your daughter, and you (hopefully graciously) turn him down for some good reason (He is too young, she is too young, he is not a Christian, etc  . . . ).

So far so good. Now tell him that you will tell no one (outside of the main people involved) about this request. He has done the right thing by asking you. Don’t punish him with a fear of embarrassment.

Went to the Vadnais Heights Parade today  (it’s like really close to our house).  Some comments:

The Bad: Okay, do we really need to have 10 emergency vehicles loudly blaring their emergency sirens for fifteen minutes? Answer: No.  My 9 month old was quite upset and my kids were not pleased and covering their ears.

Also – too many (okay, 2) gaps of 5 minutes where no one was going by. But perhaps that’s what we get from sitting so close to the end of the parade.

The Ugly: The huge concrete truck filled to the top with water and beer-drinking, swimsuit-wearing people that (intentionally) splashed large amounts of water onto the road causing perfectly settled families (including ours) to quickly move all of their belongings off the road to avoid the floods. But we’re not bitter.

The Good:
-The Unicycle Club. I can’t stand still on my bike for three seconds. How can that fifteen year old kid on the 20 foot Unicycle stay stationary for a minute? And who isn’t impressed by the guy on the unicycle jumping over the other laying down guy?

-Lots of candy!

-Coupons for free rides at the Mall of America!

-And last, but not least – the church (Encompass) that came by near the end with garbage bags and asked if we had any garbage for them to take. We did.

Afterwards we went to the commons area. I learned this:  The Cheesy tribute band playing Beatles covers is still pretty good entertainment. I sang along. I hope they’re back next year.

And that evening we went to the free Waterskiing show.  Impressive.

(I’m acting like an authority here. Please give me feedback and point out where I’m not quite right. Or completely wrong.)

When there has been a conflict between you and a child (or your child and another) it is wise to bring the child to another room where you can (A) discuss it, (B) speak in a calmer way, and (C) administer discipline if necessary.

In these situations, I have found it helpful to make sure the child understands that one of the following 4 things has happened in the conflict (loosely in order from least likely to most):

1. No one sinned
2. The Dad (or Mom) Sinned only
3. Both sinned
4. The child sinned only*

This is important: You and your child should come to an agreement which of the four situations has happened. Change will not occur if the child walks away thinking that they have done nothing wrong. And their behavior and attitude might get worse if they think they have been wrongly punished. Help them understand their guilt.

If you have sinned, state this and ask for forgiveness. But this doesn’t change your son or daughter’s sin. Make sure they understand this.

Once the “who has sinned?” question is resolved, then the real work of discipline, forgiveness, prayer, grace, reconciliation can happen.

*If this is a multi-child conflict, your child might bring the other child’s sin into the discussion. Tell them that (A) you will discuss their sibling’s sin with him/her and (B) it is beside the point of this discussion.

Daniel is 10 ½.

He likes to invent. He has created much with Cardboard.

He is a peacemaker.

His brothers were remarking today that he does quite well in ultimate Frisbee. (They played with the church kids. At length).

He is a fairly happy kid, but, for some reason, he often looks grumpy in pictures.

Middle name: Chase – his Great Grandpa Jamison’s name.

He figured out how to tune our Ukulele by himself.

Among all of our kids, he memorizes bible verses the best.

First Words: We’re Home (sort of), Uh-Oh, What’s that?, Momma, Up, Up, Up!, All Done! Hi!

Entries from his Journal

(May 3, 2009) We got back Daniel’s standardized tests and he increased by three grades in reading comprehension to 7th grade. Good. Everything else went up as well (except spelling – we’ll work on it!)

(July 12) Today we were talking about the meaning of the word “Premium” and we were wondering what its history was. Daniel commented, “I think the word ‘Premium’ is based on the Latin word ‘premium’”. He was right.

(Aug 8 ) Today Daniel, for the first time, mowed most of the lawn with the big mower. He drives a little crazy and goes very fast. At one point as he turned a corner, I heard him yell “Whoooaaah!” as he round a corner too fast.

Don’t say “Oh my goodness, my kids are growing up so fast. Pretty soon there going to be grown and out of the house!”

Rather, ask “How can I experience joy with my child today?”
or
“How could I , today, make it more likely that my child will glorify God in the future?”

We recommend picnics or reading to them (for the first) and helping them create something (for the second).

What other questions should you ask?