Responsible Father

Dads, shame is a good thing sometimes, but you a child should only feel shame when he has does something foolish or sinful. Encourage them to not feel shame if they haven’t.

Dads, you should listen to your child’s questions, your child’s concerns, your child’s dreams, your child’s fears, your child’s stories…

But you should feel no responsibility to listen to your child relating what happened in a movie or television show they watched. You should, rather, beg out of that conversation.

Indeed, there are many adults who need to learn that this doesn’t make for scintillating conversation, so you may be doing your child a favor.

Dads, it might be natural to think, “The small kid gets the small plate.”

But why? Give the toddler the big plate. He’ll have more room to work and less chance of spilling on the table.

In your job you probably have a yearly review. And in most employee yearly reviews the individual often gets at least a few sentences about things you should work on or where your performance is less than optimal.

Dads, consider these things in light of your family and see if they can translate. Can they help you see ways that you could be a better dad or husband.

For a child, being sunburnt in public is like a wearing a sign that says, “Yes, my dad couldn’t plan ahead enough to avoid this.”

Dads, don’t be that dad.

Two days ago (if I’ve understood the schedule correctly – update: I haven’t understood correctly – it’s actually Aug 1), Pastor Meyer began the next phase of his ministerial career by becoming a pastor at Bethlehem. It’s well known that Pastors get lots of advice from church members. Let it begin with me.

One of the Meyer quotes posted at my other blog in May was the following:

[My wife and I] played another funny game, that we don’t do as much now that I’ve made it a sermon illustration, but, we used to say, “I love you” and then with that sparkle in the eye for the other person we’d say, “Oh I love you more” and then it’s like, “Okay, you want to play it that way? Game on, I love you ten times more””Oh, I love you a hundred times more.” “I love you a billion times more!””I love you infinity” And you had to stop. You can’t pull a Buzz Lightyear and say “Infinity and Beyond”. You can’t say, “I love you infinity times ten” It’s not romantic, it’s just bad math!

Now, I’ve already chided one Bethlehem pastor about a mathematical error, but it looks like I’m going to have to do it again. Pastor Jason, research is half of sermon writing! Only a cursory glance at the appropriate Wikipedia page would be sufficient in understanding that there is infinity and then there is infinity, to wit: There are more real numbers than there are integers.

So here’s this week’s tip:

Dads, if your wife ever says, “I love you infinity” in the “How Much I Love You” contest, don’t hang your head in shame, as if beaten. Rather, say, “I love you REAL NUMBER infinity!”

You win!

Last week I suggested that you don’t need to expect perfection when it comes to Bible Times with your kids, but –

Dad, if there are things you can d0 to make your Bible Times with your kids more distraction free, by all means do it*.

This may take some proactivity:

-Are there kids who need to go to the bathroom first?

– Are there young kids who could use a little children’s Bible to keep them occupied during your reading time?

– Do you allow the eating of snacks during Bible time? Have the kids get them first?

– Are there some kids who shouldn’t sit together?

– Are there other kinds of distractions you can prevent?

Then by all means, do so.

One other idea – we have  a rule that if a child must get up to get something or do something they can only do so if there are no other children up already.

* My wife is afraid that I’m going to come off as someone who thinks he’s awesome because I talk like I’ve got everything figured out. Please know that I’m aware that I don’t follow my own advice here (or anywhere) nearly enough.

Dads, when* you do a Bible study with your kids, don’t expect perfection. Don’t call it a failure if you’re interrupted when a little fight breaks out between kids, or by someone having to go to the bathroom, or if someone really really wanting to sit with their stuffed walrus Frederick, or a child is saying they’re starving or by a child who doesn’t understand what you’re talking about and needs to have it explained, or by your three year old exclaims, “she’s looking at me!”, or when the conversation is sidetracked as they ask why the prodigal son didn’t figure out sooner that he needed to go home.

Because in this case, a lack of perfection is certain to happen occasionally (or even most of the time). And if you feel like you’ve failed every time it’s not perfect you will get discouraged and be tempted to stop trying. And if you give into that temptation it really will be failure.

* If you aren’t doing some kind of Bible study with your kids, then start. Today.