I’m posting this more as a question: Do those of you who have adopted agree with this?
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There are many reasons to adopt, but there are two primary reasons –
1.To add more children (or a child) to your family.
2.As a ministry to the parentless.
For many or most of those who adopt, I assume, their motivation is a little of both. For both of our adoptions, for example, I would say the primary reason was to gain another child, but we had ministry in mind. It obeys the command to help orphans in their distress.
There are those parents, however, who adopt almost exclusively for reason #2 – as a ministry. These are people who adopt unwanted children, or older children, or sibling groups or disabled or troubled children. May God bless them.
If you know of people like this, and you learn that they are going through hard times and have significant family difficulties because of their decision to adopt – if you know families like this, you might be tempted to think ‘They made an unwise decision when they adopted – look at how rough things are for them right now.’ If so, fight this temptation.
They didn’t do it for a more pleasant life. They did it to make a difference in the life of a child. Pray for them.
*** As an update on the Verse CD Giveaway, I hope to announce the winners tomorrow. There is a good reason for the delay. ***
Responsible Father 
6 comments
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October 16, 2009 at 9:48 am
Matt Donovan
Maybe this isn’t what you meant, but I get the impression that you’re saying parents who adopt strictly as a ministry to the parentless are more honorably motivated. However, I think looking at why God adopted us gives us a more accurate picture of what is honorable. It’s because he loves us and want to be with us – not just because he wants to save us from sin and death.
People who have adopted strictly to minister and not because they want to be parents or long for this child to be part of their family, as noble as that may be, need prayer and fellowship that guides them toward a heart that isn’t just saving the child from a hard place, but saving them for a loving family, a healthy identity, becoming an element of joy to his or her parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc.
This all may very well be part of what you meant when you said “as a ministry to the parentless.” As an addition to understanding what that minstry can look like, I highly recommend Saved By Adoption: Nikolas’ Story. It’s a great example of some parents who fit the second motivation and how God used their child to change their lives.
October 16, 2009 at 11:21 am
jamsco
Matt, thanks for the comment. I think I agree with everything with what you said, except. . . .
My general belief (and maybe I need to think about it more) is that people who choose harder roads for themselves based on God’s calling are more honorable than those (like myself) who have more easy callings. Doesn’t this make sense?
Maybe honorable isn’t the right word.
By the way, your website looks like a good resource. I’m linking to it.
October 16, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Matt Donovan
Hey, thanks for the link.
Your belief about people who choose harder roads resonates with me.
I think a flag went up because kids from hard places or kids who are unlikely to be adopted are deeply in need of, not just a roof and some kindness, but of family and of belonging and of being wanted. There’s a lot of damage that can happen when they view their own adoption as a an act of pity or service by their parents.
On the parent’s side, adopting solely to serve a child can result in bitterness and even rejection if/when that child becomes ungrateful. A seemingly selfless motivation can quickly turn from noble to not-enough when the beneficiary of that ministry needs more emotionally and relationally than the parent was prepared to give.
October 25, 2009 at 7:12 am
Susan Taylor
Hi — This is exactly the reason we have not pursued adoption. Well, that and the fact that we have five of our own biological children, one of whom has special needs.
I am often drawn to the idea of fostering or adopting, although I don’t know if we would even qualify because we both hover around the age of 50. It is a big job parenting five children, but I know there are so many children who need a home. I just think I would be one who would be susceptible to the bitterness or disappointment that would arise if my adopted child ended up needing much more than I was prepared to give.
So, my position isn’t noble, by any means, but I am still open to the idea of taking in more children if it becomes clear that we are to do so. I’m extremely practical and I see that our little house barely has room for the 7 of us. In the meantime, I volunteer in a tutoring program and offer love where I can to children in need.
Thanks for posting this, especially the comment. I think we have in a sense already chosen the harder road by having five, and accepting joyfully a child with special needs. So, why would I still be drawn to helping more children? Good stuff, Matt. I’ve linked to your blog on mine.
October 31, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Lisa
We adopted our youngest child for a variety of reasons including the two that you mention. Additionally, we did it to teach our other children about ministering to the needy. We did it out of thankfulness for the gifts we’ve been given. We did it as evangelism in hopes that our son might return someday to his birth nation to minister to others there. And we did it because, by and through the grace of God, we could.
October 31, 2009 at 2:23 pm
jamsco
All very good reasons.