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When Debbie and I were infanticipating our first child (i.e. when she was pregnant with Carl), we went to the pre-labor this-is-what-you-should-be-ready-for class at her doctor’s clinic. The leader told us at the beginning of the class that we would make some of the decisions (when to take breaks, etc) by way of a “limited democracy” – which went this way: She would ask us how we wanted to do it and she would go with the first person who answered’s answer.
Dad’s, it might not be often, but there may be times when this kind of limited democracy works in making a decision with your kids.
Dads, do you know what they say about authentic apologizing? That you shouldn’t say, “I’m sorry, but . . . ” or “I’m sorry if . . . “?
That’s especially true with how you explain your regret and sadness and wish for forgiveness to your children.
Dads, there are times when your wife wants you to do something that saying a hesitant ‘Yes’ is worse than saying ‘No’. Figure out when these times are.
From my wife:
Dads, the easiest time to get your child back on the path is when they’ve just stepped off it.
Based on a quote from my wife:
Dads, the easiest time to get your children back on the correct path is when they’ve only taken one step off of it.
Dads, some time in the next… Oh, say 48 to 72 hours, take your wife by the hand when you children are present and walk her into the living room and just sit and talk. And then when your kids see you and want to talk, talk with them. If they want, play with them.
I know, I know, it’s quite possible that your kids will start to think that you like them, but that’s the risk you’ll have to take.
Have I mentioned that some of my tips are neither original nor profound?
Dads, in that moment when a child (or two) is acting up and all emotions are at a height, you should remain calm. You wife’s primary frustration may be with your child, but your anger, or show of tension or general lack of restraint might be making it difficult for her to keep it together.
Be a leader. Stay on top of your emotions.
Dads! Before you get your wife a box of chocolates (Don’t!) make sure you go read my commentary on the subject written exactly five years ago today!
Dads, the next time you’re thinking about complaining about your kids to other people, consider what percentage of your listeners might think: It’s probably his fault.
Each December for perhaps 8 or ten years we’ve been going to the St Croix Valley Tree Farm to get our Christmas tree. It’s a pretty drive and it makes getting the tree an event. We recommend it.
So while we were cutting down our tree, there was another family with a Mom, a Dad and two late teen age kids. The two kids seemed to be having fun and they did the cutting and we took a picture of their family for them and they took a picture of ours. There was no sign of these teens being grumpy or bored.
Later, I asked the Mom if she had any tips in raising kids who would want to do something like going to get a tree even when they’re older and she immediately said, “Do it every year.”
She said that they had considered getting a tree in a lot and the kids insisted that they do what they had done for so many years. That’s what I want.
But here’s the potentially more important point: Do you think that if this works for getting Christmas trees, it might also work for more eternally crucial habits?
Perhaps.
Responsible Father 