Responsible Father

Dads, if you ever make a statement that you are not absolutely certain about, let your kids know this. This will make you more trustable and show them that there is no shame in not being certain.

I am grateful for the fact that my parents spanked my siblings and me as I was growing up.  The interesting thing is that while I’m aware that I was spanked as a child, I don’t really remember any specific times.

Except one.

It is one of my earliest memories. It happened at church, when I was maybe four or five.

There was a boy at our church who was perhaps a year or two younger than us. As a five year old, I was aware that the adults found him cute. This really bothered me. I was jealous of him. I didn’t think anyone deserved to get this much attention – well, no one besides me. So I didn’t like him.

One Sunday morning, as our family was getting ready to leave, I saw that he was walking by me. I can clearly remember the location (for those who know Calvary Church – the drinking fountain near the northeast corner). There weren’t many others around, so I did what any sinful selfish five year old would do. I stuck out my foot and tripped him. He fell. It hurt.

And then I looked up and saw my Dad down the hallway. He had seen me do it.

If ever a child deserved a spanking, at that moment I did. And I got one. I don’t remember the pain. I remember the humiliation. Because my Dad spanked me at church.

But my humiliation was not only due the public nature of my punishment. It was because I saw my sin. I saw what my sin made me want to do. I think I began to see the foolishness of being jealous when another person was being honored. I saw the pride that was in my heart.

I’d like to say that this spanking cured me of being bothered if all praise didn’t come to me. I’d like to, but I can’t.

I can say, at the very least, that the spanking began to teach me what was happening in my soul and the evil that was there. And that it needed a cure. I wouldn’t be surprised when I get to heaven, to find out that my Dad’s choices that day played a big role in my eventual salvation.

Dads: Help your child see what’s in their hearts.

You know that uncomfortable feeling you get (at a social gathering) when a couple starts arguing with each other?

Dads, consider this: Is it possible that your kids feel like this every time you snip at your wife?

Or do you assume that they are thinking, “I love that my parents are showing me healthy ways to disagree with another person.”?

From my wife’s uncle Phil:

One of the most important ideas that a teenager needs to understand is that they should be careful about over-committing to an idea they think might be true.

Dads, you don’t want your kids to be bored when you pray – so take steps to make it interesting.

Try different things. Here are some suggestions:

The only Thanksgiving prayer
The only Praise prayer
The mention-each-child prayer
The small things prayer
The pray through a scripture passage prayer.

Do you have any suggestions for keeping your prayers interesting?

Dads, every child is born with this way of responding to any conflict he was a part of:

If I can show (at least to myself) that the other person sinned, then I was innocent.

It is the parent’s job to move them past this.

Make it clear to them that one person’s sin doesn’t excuse another’s.

Dads, if you’re going to be in a situation with your kids where you’re afraid that they’re going to behave in a certain way, set them up for success – tell them what’s going to happen and what you expect from them. They might not know.

Dads, if you have to criticize, or point out error, to your children in public . . .

. . . if at all possible, whisper.

Dads, If something at work or church is causing you stress or anger or nervousness, don’t allow this to cause you to bring darkness into your relationship with your wife and kids.

But . . .

If something at work or church is causing to have joy or peace, by all means, DO allow this to brighten up your relationship with your wife and kids.

Dads, it’s your responsibility to motivate your family to do things that are slightly more intimidating than your wife would normally suggest doing.

Update: My wife says I should also recommend that you make sure your wife is attired with proper footware.