I am often drawn to the idea of fostering or adopting, although I don’t know if we would even qualify because we both hover around the age of 50. It is a big job parenting five children, but I know there are so many children who need a home. I just think I would be one who would be susceptible to the bitterness or disappointment that would arise if my adopted child ended up needing much more than I was prepared to give.

So, my position isn’t noble, by any means, but I am still open to the idea of taking in more children if it becomes clear that we are to do so. I’m extremely practical and I see that our little house barely has room for the 7 of us. In the meantime, I volunteer in a tutoring program and offer love where I can to children in need.

Thanks for posting this, especially the comment. I think we have in a sense already chosen the harder road by having five, and accepting joyfully a child with special needs. So, why would I still be drawn to helping more children? Good stuff, Matt. I’ve linked to your blog on mine.

Your belief about people who choose harder roads resonates with me.

I think a flag went up because kids from hard places or kids who are unlikely to be adopted are deeply in need of, not just a roof and some kindness, but of family and of belonging and of being wanted. There’s a lot of damage that can happen when they view their own adoption as a an act of pity or service by their parents.

On the parent’s side, adopting solely to serve a child can result in bitterness and even rejection if/when that child becomes ungrateful. A seemingly selfless motivation can quickly turn from noble to not-enough when the beneficiary of that ministry needs more emotionally and relationally than the parent was prepared to give.

My general belief (and maybe I need to think about it more) is that people who choose harder roads for themselves based on God’s calling are more honorable than those (like myself) who have more easy callings. Doesn’t this make sense?

Maybe honorable isn’t the right word.

By the way, your website looks like a good resource. I’m linking to it.

People who have adopted strictly to minister and not because they want to be parents or long for this child to be part of their family, as noble as that may be, need prayer and fellowship that guides them toward a heart that isn’t just saving the child from a hard place, but saving them for a loving family, a healthy identity, becoming an element of joy to his or her parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc.

This all may very well be part of what you meant when you said “as a ministry to the parentless.” As an addition to understanding what that minstry can look like, I highly recommend Saved By Adoption: Nikolas’ Story. It’s a great example of some parents who fit the second motivation and how God used their child to change their lives.